Modern Dating is Simply Playing Husband and Wife Without Commitment
By Christian Bevere
Modern dating did not drift away from marriage by accident.
It was intentionally constructed without covenant in mind.
The system we now refer to as “dating” praises individual freedom, flexibility, and personal fulfillment— not permanence, sacrifice, or family formation. And Christian women are quietly being told to participate as though these values naturally align with a biblical vision of love.
But they do not.
Today’s dominant dating advice sounds permissible but is hardly productive— don’t rush, don’t label, don’t expect, don’t need. But this language has produced a culture of ambiguity that actively works against commitment. All the while, a woman desiring marriage is seen as needy and out of touch…
What was once clear intention and purposeful pursuit has been replaced by:
proximity without promise
extended “talking stages”
physical intimacy without spiritual activity
In other words, modern dating plays husband and wife— sharing beds, burdens, and futures— without the courage of commitment or the clarity of covenant. Cohabitation asks couples to grow together without first giving them the very gift that makes growth possible: the grace that comes from godly commitment.
Christian women who desire marriage, purity, and motherhood are not failing at modern dating. Modern dating is failing them.
So, how can single Christians actually find love?
Well, let’s explore what changed in the pursuit and why.
Before Dating, There Was Courtship— And It Wasn’t the Villain
We are often told that historical relationship structures were oppressive to women. And while no era was perfect, that narrative is incomplete— especially for kind-hearted, faith-centered couples.
Courtship operated from a different set of standards:
Marriage was essential for economic survival and social stability
Families participated in vetting partners
Sexual morality was reinforced by church and community
Reputation carried real weight
Love existed in relationships, but it was secondary to duty, faith, and responsibility. This structure did not erase romance. It protected it. Especially for women who desired loyalty, provision, and lifelong partnership.
Until “dating” slowly replaced courtship in 3 key stages:
1. The Early 1900s: Industrialization Shakes the Foundations
Men left rural homes for city work
Women entered factories and offices
Young people gained distance from family oversight
Dating emerged as public outings, soda shops, movies, walks— with men paying as a visible sign of provision. Marriage was still the assumed goal, and moral boundaries largely remained intact.
But the center of gravity had begun to move from family and faith toward individual choice.
2. 1920s–1940s: Romance Meets Consumer Culture
Hollywood glamorized affection. Advertising sold desire. Cars offered privacy. Influential voices such as Sigmund Freud reframed sexuality as identity.
Dating became:
Less supervised
More chemistry-driven
Still marriage-oriented— but desire now took center stage
Faith remained influential, but it was no longer the loudest voice in the room.
3. 1960s–1970s: The Great Fracture
This is where the modern dating system truly took shape.
The Sexual Revolution separated sex from reproduction. Desire became morally neutral— even virtuous and advantageous.
Second-wave feminism rightly pursued dignity, safety, and opportunity for women— but also destabilized relationship incentives.
No-fault divorce transformed marriage from sacred connection into a revocable contract. While it provided necessary relief in cases of real harm, it also normalized the idea that desire alone is sufficient reason to dissolve commitment.
What Modern Dating Has Cost Us
These cultural shifts are not without consequences to their respective partners.
Couples now date longer and cohabit more, yet marry less. Couples who cohabit before marriage historically show higher rates of divorce than couples who did not— with some research noting up to 40–85% higher risk in studies. Why? Emotional bonds form without protection. Commitment is postponed indefinitely. Women absorb the emotional cost of partnership while men face diminishing parameters to decide.
What culture often frames as “taking it slow” quietly becomes never choosing at all.
This does not bring men and women closer. It pulls them further apart— breeding cynicism instead of trust, hesitation instead of hope. It’s as if we are coloring without the lines and expecting something other than abstract. Where definition is missing, dissatisfaction festers.
If modern dating feels disorienting, it is not because you are naïve or behind. It is because you are aware and vision led.
Wanting pursuit, purity, and partnership is not unrealistic. Those who do understand that marriage is for covenant, not convenience.
Marriage did not suddenly lose its meaning— it was slowly redefined.
What was once understood as a promise became a preference, and eventually a product. Something optional and reversible. Designed to serve personal fulfillment rather than require personal sacrifice.
As that shift took place, dating changed with it. Modern dating now encourages emotional intimacy, physical closeness, and shared life rhythms without ever asking for a binding decision.
Ambiguity is framed as affluence.
Attraction is mistaken as connection.
Wanting clarity is reframed as insecurity.
Undefined relationships consistently benefit the person least interested in commitment. When labels are avoided, expectations are silenced. Women are asked to invest emotionally, physically, and spiritually while pretending they have no timeline, no preferences, and no long-term hope.
Over time, women are trained to shrink their God-given desire for covenant— and to call that shrinking empowerment.Men are not emerging from this system confident or better off either; many are left unformed, hesitant, and unsure how to lead when leadership has been culturally discouraged. Because young adults are no longer being taught, shaped, or led by mentors or respected voices when it comes to romance. They’re taught by media, peers, or personal drive.
When unfruitful standards are the playing field, and isolation, heightened anxiety and lack of social skills are the game pieces, it’s a lose-lose result.
Self becomes dominant and successful relationships become scarce.
Modern culture celebrates independence as the highest form of strength. Needing no one is framed as enlightenment. Self-sufficiency becomes the claim of maturity.
But marriage, by design, is mutual dependence.
When women are taught that dependence is weakness, they are subtly discouraged from desiring the very union God created marriage to be. Motherhood is reduced to a lifestyle option. Marriage becomes something to delay, manage, or work around— rather than a sacred partnership to build toward.
Yes— women thriving intellectually, creatively, and professionally is good and necessary. But intimacy between husband and wife cannot flourish in a culture that treats interdependence as failure.
What if there was a way forward— past the haze of confused standards and smoke and mirrors of modern dating?
I may have a solution for you:
The single best thing I did during my singleness was pray for my future husband.
Prayer is the most countercultural dating posture available. It may seem crazy to wait in expectation for the right person— someone who doesn’t match the standard you’re used to seeing— but that’s exactly what faith is.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” —Hebrews 11:6
Christian women, you do not need to lower your standards to survive modern dating. Instead, anchor your longing somewhere deeper than cultural permission— prayer.
Prayer directs desire.
Prayer sharpens discernment.
Prayer empowers marriage before it arrives.
When a woman prays intentionally for her future husband— his character, leadership, and faith— her standards stop being vague. She becomes less impressed by charm and more attentive to fruit. Writing prayers slows the heart. It creates space for reflection instead of reaction. This is not romantic escapism. It is spiritual formation.
Holy wisdom from prayer brings better relational insight than green flags and good dating advice ever could. Research confirms this. Contrary to the average 50% divorce rate— both in society and even in the church— only 1 in 1,152 couples who pray together daily will end in divorce. Just as prayer empowers couples in their marriage, prayer can enlighten you as a single woman awaiting marriage.
Because:
A woman formed in prayer does not chase clarity— she recognizes it when it arrives. She does not rush intimacy— she understands its weight.
She does not drift— she builds with her eyes fixed not on what culture permits, but on what God promises.
Christian Bevere is a creative communicator, author, and podcast host. Known for her relatable and transparent voice, Christian shares timeless truths through her popular podcast, Dear Future Husband, YouTube channel, and multiple books, including Break Up with What Broke You. She passionately engages in meaningful conversations about faith, identity, and relationships. She resides in Nashville, TN, with her husband, Arden, and their two children. She continues to inspire others to live by faith and cultivate beauty. Her newest book, Future Husband, Present Prayers and accompanying prayer journal, Dear Future Husband, released February 10th, 2026.
If your heart longs for a love story rooted in faith, begin where all lasting love begins— with God. The Dear Future Husband Prayer Journal was created to help you capture the prayers, hopes, and discernment shaping your future marriage. And Future Husband, PresentPrayers teaches you how to pray with clarity, wisdom, and practical guidance from singleness toward marriage. These are tools of preparation. Because the most beautiful love stories are not stumbled into. They are prayed over long before two paths ever meet.
